I've posted here several times how my relationship was with my 'ate'. It wasn't totally bad. But disputes and arguments with her were inevitable. I was the breadwinner for an older sister and a younger brother. At the same time, I was juggling thesis, work and bills. A social life was never even an option. It was very hard on my part. Seeing them have all the free time they wanted while there I was, a sleep/social life-deprived 20 something year old NBSB. I felt like 'it' had taken something away from me. I always blamed my sister but still I couldn't help myself but still help her find a job.
Fortunately, she found a job she had always wanted. It wasn't a downhill struggle. She had to cope with a lot of rejections but she was strong. Now she's starting to regain her lost honor. She is studying while working. Somehow she thanks me for my 'insults'. She said somehow it made her stronger and struggle more. I am happy that in a way though in a bad way, I served as a catalyst.
Now of course she is still the eldest among siblings, but I play that role (financially) for the mean time. But I am genuinely happy that she's starting to take the pieces little by little.
By the way, enough of the drama. I've been thinking what provoked me to write this post. And I remember one incident where I think was a great insult to her. It was during my vacation in my hometown (Sorsogon). When I was about to leave for a ride back to Manila together with 'ate', my parents knew that I had no extra money for any kinds of emergencies. They were giving me some amount but I refused knowing that they'd be penniless again. They insisted but I strongly refused again. Then 'ate' took it which made my parents take it back and offer to give it to me again. That to me is an example of a gesture that my parents favor me way more than my sister. And I could just feel 'ate's' pain that time. I've only realized it just recently. I don't know why just memories of yesterday are only appreciated when it's already too late.
It's always a REWIND for me. I never get to enjoy the moment, which makes me really sad. But somehow I'm thankful that I remembered.