I've posted here several times how my relationship was with my 'ate'. It wasn't totally bad. But disputes and arguments with her were inevitable. I was the breadwinner for an older sister and a younger brother. At the same time, I was juggling thesis, work and bills. A social life was never even an option. It was very hard on my part. Seeing them have all the free time they wanted while there I was, a sleep/social life-deprived 20 something year old NBSB. I felt like 'it' had taken something away from me. I always blamed my sister but still I couldn't help myself but still help her find a job.
Fortunately, she found a job she had always wanted. It wasn't a downhill struggle. She had to cope with a lot of rejections but she was strong. Now she's starting to regain her lost honor. She is studying while working. Somehow she thanks me for my 'insults'. She said somehow it made her stronger and struggle more. I am happy that in a way though in a bad way, I served as a catalyst.
Now of course she is still the eldest among siblings, but I play that role (financially) for the mean time. But I am genuinely happy that she's starting to take the pieces little by little.
By the way, enough of the drama. I've been thinking what provoked me to write this post. And I remember one incident where I think was a great insult to her. It was during my vacation in my hometown (Sorsogon). When I was about to leave for a ride back to Manila together with 'ate', my parents knew that I had no extra money for any kinds of emergencies. They were giving me some amount but I refused knowing that they'd be penniless again. They insisted but I strongly refused again. Then 'ate' took it which made my parents take it back and offer to give it to me again. That to me is an example of a gesture that my parents favor me way more than my sister. And I could just feel 'ate's' pain that time. I've only realized it just recently. I don't know why just memories of yesterday are only appreciated when it's already too late.
It's always a REWIND for me. I never get to enjoy the moment, which makes me really sad. But somehow I'm thankful that I remembered.
buti ka pa ka nga ganyan ako masyado kong naspoiled ang utol ko. one of these days magiging kuya rin ako... after 20 years :p
ReplyDelete"one of these days magiging kuya rin ako... after 20 years :p"
ReplyDeletewhat did you mean by this?
I think I had stopped being kuya when we were still young. Huling beses na naalala kong pinagalitan ko sya dahil sa tingin ko e meron syang nagawang mali ay nung nasa high school ako at sya sa elementary. Tapos nun sunod na napansin ko e masyado na akong lenient sa kanya. Naging kunsintidor ako habang yung tita ko nanggagalaiti sa kakasermon. Para sakin kasi e may isip na sya para malaman kung ano yung tama sa mali. Nagkataon lang siguro na parang common na sa panahon ngayon yung mga ginagawa nya na malayo sa panahon ng tita ko. Nung naglagay nga sya ng butas sa tenga ako pa yung tumulong sa kanya na syempre kinapanot ng tita ko sa galit. Madalas din syang umuuwi ng madaling araw at nakainom. Umuwi nga minsan yun na may galos yung buong binti kasi nadulas sa kalasingan paguwi. Kinabukasan, ako yung naglinis ng sugat nya... lumulobo yung sipon ko sa kakatawa habang sya hindi alam kung paano pipilit sa sakit... si mama merce naman hindi mahagilap kung anong klaseng sermon ang sasabihin habang pilit huwag tumawa sa ginagawa namin ng utol ko. Though ganun sya alam kong hindi yun gagawa ng kalokohan na ikapapahamak nya to the highest level pero syempre bilang kuya dapat magbigay din ako ng linya kung hanggang saan ang dapat na *minor* kalokohan ang gawin nya. Di ko magawa yun dahil sarili ko nga di ko mapagsabihan. Siguro kapag mature enough na ako saka ako manenermon pero sa ngayon stay muna ako sa subtle sermon ko at patawa kong sasabihin sa kanya na "Ayan, ano ka? sakit noh? tanga mo kasi e, di ka nadala ha! ahahahaha!" habang binubuhusan ng alkohol ang sugat nya :p
ReplyDelete